Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me All the Days of My Life

The morning after my husband passed away, in a moment of reflection, the Bible phrase, “Goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life” came to my mind. Upon finding its source – the first part of the well-known Psalm 23, verse 6 – I saw that the rest of it says: “and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” How true of our future if we continue to grow in God’s Love!

In this article would like to focus on the first part of that verse. In September 2022, my father passed away at the age of 99 and my inheritance enabled us to move into Renaissance Retirement Village a year later. This was a very clear and powerful leading and turned out providential in view of Alex’s subsequent illness and me being left on my own.

After an enjoyable year here during which we became known and got to know quite a few people, last October, Alex started having noticeable health issues, including water retention, diarrhea, and especially lack of energy. He also had previously discovered heart problems. In November, just after his 75th birthday, he ended up going to hospital, and was diagnosed with metastasized prostate cancer.

The diagnosis (including one or two misdiagnoses further along) was devastating and the prognosis disheartening. While Alex progressively lost his mobility and became confined to bed, he had relatively good seven months at home interspersed with nine hospital stays ranging from one day to a week or more. However, he was blessed to have no pain or discomfort, ate and slept well, and remained positive. He had been a very patient patient – which I admired and which made things much easier for me. He remained thankful and almost never complained. These were all wonderful blessings. On April 11, we reached our 49th wedding anniversary, which, while we couldn’t do much by way of celebrating, was a milestone to be grateful for, which back in November, I wasn’t sure that Alex would be around for.

After that, he spent another week in hospital and a month at home, during which he did relatively well. At the end of that month, a turning point came and he deteriorated quickly, especially mentally. It was hard to watch and challenging to deal with. Without knowing how long he may have left, the plan was made for him to go to a palliative room in the nearest hospital. However, he passed away in the ambulance before the paramedics left our place. It worked out very well though, because the paramedics gave me wonderful support, called all the important people, brought him back into the house, and I was able to spend a couple of hours with him at home before the undertakers came. While of course his passing is sad, it was a very good circumstance under which it happened and I am grateful that Alex’s last chapter of his earthly journey came to such a good end.

Along the seven-month journey of Alex’s illness, there were countless small things happening for which we could be grateful. Sure, the journey was challenging, but not overwhelming. I definitely felt strengthened and enabled to look after him. I had my moments when I “lost it”, but they were relatively few and far between. There was no doubt that the prayers for us were being answered and the whole situation was being tempered by God’s goodness and mercy.

Here are some of my reflections in the form of a prayer that I wrote down after his passing as I was holding his hand. “Thank you, Father, for the timing and the circumstances of Alex’s passing—for having the support of the paramedics, Eden and Ross. Thank you for not having to drive and see him in the hospital, for his having gone peacefully with no pain and no discomfort and anything unsightly, such as fluids coming out of his mouth, ears or nose, which can occur in death. Thank you for Whitey, the cat, keeping me company for a while, for being able to sit with Alex for a good couple of hours, for his illness and disability not having lasted too long and yet having had the time to prepare for his passing and have him at home and be able to take care of him.

Thank you so much for providing for all our needs, for his having a quick and easy death, for the paramedics having contacted the important people and arranged for everything, for him having died at home.

Thank you for the office ladies, Helen and Jess coming over to offer condolences and support, as well as two of our neighbours visiting later that day. Thank you that I am feeling very well so far.

Thank you for the guidance and inspiration along the way. Thank you for guiding me to stop at the funeral home on Monday, and for getting things sorted just in the nick of time. May he have a smooth transition and a beautiful welcome in the spirit world and may he make wonderful progress. It is amazing that he died on the same day as his dad 19 years later.

Thank you that he did not suffer, that he remained positive and grateful throughout, rather than depressed or angry, that he never complained, that we had such a beautiful and harmonious relationship, that I was able to tell him that I loved him. Thank you for so many good things. Father I am truly awed how things have worked out.

There were telltale signs that the end was near, like he was hearing beautiful music, saw himself flying, and talked about being on a trip or at the airport. His soul is now free to fly and soar and his spirit body gives him all the mobility that he would want.”

When I came to the computer the next morning after posting on the WhatsApp the night before that he had passed, I found a real outpouring of love. I wrote: “I so appreciate your support and prayers. I feel overwhelmed in a positive way! I am feeling your and the angels’ love and support. Last night I had the best sleep in a long time, waking up at 5 am and wondering if I was misreading the clock! Thank you so much for your continued prayers.”

Even though we didn’t make it to our 50th anniversary, I feel privileged to have been his one and only wife. I am grateful for the special bond, closeness, happiness, and harmony we enjoyed for the nearly five decades of married life. When we used to work together, people couldn’t understand how we could be together at work and then also at home and not get tired of each other, but we didn’t. I am grateful for his love, friendship, dedication, kindness, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, patience, encouragement, spiritual orientation, good discussions, and sharing edifying insights and ideas. I am grateful for the travel we were able to enjoy, for working together most of our career lives and even in our retirement, for his support and understanding, for the projects we worked on, creating lovely books of my dad’s art and our own spiritual insights and understanding, lessons that we learned together and separately.

Reflecting on the challenging events of the last few months, as well as the rest of my life to this point, I can only echo David’s words in Psalm 23, verse 6: “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.”

Image: http://digiproductmarketer.com

For related experiential accounts of God’s Love, see

God’s Grace in Small Things
God’s Loving Care
Basking in the Father’s Love
Special Day in God’s Love
Another Special Day in God’s Love
In Remembrance of a Special Cat
Story of Whitey
Cyclone Alfred and God’s Grace