Continuing my life journey and how I was led, this section deals with our return from Europe to Australia and reconnecting with family — my father and Alex’s parents, brothers, wives and children. It is another part of an upcoming book or website section entitled Divinely Led.
Part 5: Back to Australia and Onto Asia
Reconnecting with Family
Building a Relationship with Dad
My mother died unexpectedly while we were still in Liberec, but contemplating a return to Australia. Yet somehow the Australian destination wasn’t crystalizing. We had various ideas and plans, but over time, God showed us that they were not what He wanted. He stopped us going to Avondale College in NSW as Alex had desired – which looking back was the best thing. Another idea was Toowoomba, west of Brisbane, but too far to regularly visit or help my parents, should the need arise.
With the sad news of my mother’s passing, we felt that we should move closer to dad now that he was alone. Last time I saw my mother was 12 years prior, which was quite sobering. While after each visit we parted on good terms, or so we thought, there was almost invariably a negative follow-up correspondence. Many misunderstandings and hurts had accumulated and communication was strained.
We arrived in Australia in April 2001, just over two months after mum’s passing. An older couple that we had met at a church convention many years prior invited us to stay till we found our own accommodation. Since the time we had met them, our respective theological views diverged and we felt them to be quite intolerant of how we saw things. So we didn’t really want to stay with them. We looked for other options, but in the end, this was the only viable one. We stayed with them for a month and it worked out wonderfully. They were very gracious hosts. Again, we saw God’s leading in the situation despite our doubts and concerns.
Their place wasn’t too far from my dad’s – about three kilometres, so we could walk. So one day we did that. To our surprise and dismay, the initial reception was icy – some unforgiveness and old grudges/wounds were definitely present. Plus of course, dad would have been in deep grief after losing his dear wife so unexpectedly and suddenly. No doubt, we didn’t fully understand what he was going through.
However, little by little, over time, the frostiness was thawing. First came a lunch invitation at a restaurant near his place. As time went on, he came over for coffee at our place. Gradually, we developed a habit of a weekly outing. He would meet us at our home, we would go for a walk, then a lunch out. After that we would do our weekly shopping and have dessert. Since we didn’t have a car yet, this worked out marvelously because we didn’t have to carry our shopping home or rely on public transport.
When dad came to pick us up, he always brought some fruit and sweets. Little by little, we were becoming more relaxed in each other’s presence and more open and sharing. We would make birthdays special. With memberships at various sporting clubs in the area, we could get a free lunch during our birthday month and so we planned our outings accordingly. And Dad invariably brought a large cake that we all shared and enjoyed over the following week.
So our relationship kept getting more positive as time went on and we built many happy memories.
Alex’s Family in Victoria
Alex’s parents, brothers and most of the nephews and nieces with partners were all living in Victoria, either in Melbourne or in Warragul. But because of our long years of living overseas, little relationships were built with the growing children. This was a time before internet, Skype, WhatsApp and similar media, so we were restricted to letter writing and occasional brief phone calls, and that was mainly with Alex’s mum. So sadly, we missed out on seeing the family and our nephews and nieces more than every few years.
When Alex’s brother Nick had a stroke at the age of 49 and Alex chose to respond in his unique way that he thought was the best, rather than the expected way, anger arose in some of the family members and what little relationships there were became strained.
Incredibly, only four months after my mother passed away, Alex’s mother passed away equally unexpectedly. Being two states away in Queensland, the question arose in Alex’s mind, should we go to the funeral or visit Alex’s dad later when he might need it more? In the end it became clear that we should go to the funeral. We bought our tickets at a good price just a day or two before going and off we went.
It was good to be there for Alex’s father’s sake, but all in all, it was a very mixed experience. The anger on Nick’s family’s side was palpable, if not overtly expressed. With his wife, it boiled over and she verbally attacked Alex during the wake at the house. Needless to say, it wasn’t a pleasant situation.
The night of the funeral, Alex spent till late at night listening to his dad sharing a lot of pent-up feelings and thoughts that he had been unable to express previously as his wife and family wouldn’t spend time hearing him out.
The relationships with that side of the family continued to have its ups and downs and in part remain stressful, so we never got close to them with the exception of Alex being close to his mother. But once his parents passed away, the best way to handle the situation was to respond to the limited and not always respectful communication from one of his brothers in the best way we could and leave it at that.
As of this writing, both of my brothers-in-law and most of their children have partners and their own children, and live in Victoria, but there is little contact. It will probably remain that way as we each are on separate journeys and there is not a lot in common. I am accepting that and appreciate that there is peace among us and no hurt feelings — at least not on my side.
For other information on divine leading, see Spirit Helpers and Guides
Here is a short reflection on being divinely led.