This is a part of the at this point last chapter of a biographical website section entitled Divinely Led. This section is still under construction and new parts will be added as time allows and inspiration comes.
Part 7: After Dad’s Passing
The Eulogy at Alex’s Funeral
Below is my eulogy read at Alex’s funeral that many were inspired by. It followed a brief eulogy by Alex’s two younger brothers, Nick and Greg, so it does not go into Alex’s childhood and growing up.
My Beloved Husband
I will pick up the story where Alex’s brothers left off.
After finishing primary school and high school in Warragul, Alex went to Teachers’ College in Geelong, followed by a year of studying school librarianship in Melbourne. During his first year of teaching, he became interested in a small, non-mainstream church in Melbourne. This is where our paths crossed in 1971, and we became close friends. I admired him for his kindness and thoughtfulness and felt that if there was anyone among all the men I had dated, he would be the one. However, I was still studying university and Alex’s desire became to go to the church’s liberal arts college in the UK near London, which was fulfilled in 1972. After his first two years there, the campus closed, and those who wanted to could transfer to the sister campus in Pasadena, California, where also the church headquarters was. This is what Alex chose to do rather than returning to Australia.
We kept in occasional letter and postcard contact (email or Skype/WhatsApp didn’t exist back then and overseas phone calls were super expensive). After we both finished our studies and started working, we independently began to reflect back on our relationship. We had both experienced one or two romantic relationships but concluded that they were not the “real deal.”
Unbeknown to each other, both of us began to wonder how we felt towards each other and if our relationship could go beyond friendship. So I was shocked when one winter day in 1975, I received a letter from Alex asking me if I would like to visit him in southern California over my summer school holidays. Coincidentally, I had a pen friend in Pasadena and had contemplated a visit the previous year, which didn’t eventuate, and as I learned later, the timing would have been all wrong.
After I counselled with the local pastor, he asked me how I felt about Alex and offered to contact him to ascertain what his feelings towards me were and to make sure he didn’t lead me on. Once we found out how we felt towards each other, things moved quickly. I arrived in Los Angeles just before Christmas, we were engaged on the Valentine’s weekend — which at that time was unknown in Australia — and married on April 11, 1976. This year we had our 49th anniversary.
We remained working in Pasadena for the church for the next 17 years. Most of those years we were blessed to work together in the same office or the same department as a team. Even though strictly speaking it was against California employee law, our bosses allowed it because they could see how well we worked together and how beneficial it was for the department. During those years, we also had opportunities to travel within the United States, visit Canada, and also the Caribbean. Some years we went to Australia to visit our parents and Alex’s brothers and their families, and a few times we visited relatives in Europe.
When our jobs were coming to a natural end, we felt it was ethical to resign and go on. We began to feel a drawing to Europe, specifically Czechoslovakia, where I was born. In November 1989, the Iron Curtain had fallen and 1990 was the first time I could safely go back to visit because my family had stayed out of the country illegally after receiving temporary permits to leave in the mid-sixties.
After the exciting 1990 visit, Alex began to wonder, how it would work to live in Czechoslovakia where there would be opportunities to serve the people who had just come from under Communism and Russian domination and were eager to learn English.
I wasn’t excited at first, but after over two years of research, counselling and prayerful contemplation, we took the bold step of moving over. We had a home lined up, which we put a deposit on and intended to buy when we got there. This home came up through rather amazing circumstances which we felt was the open door and leading that confirmed our decision.
We remained in what by then became the Czech Republic for eight years, enjoying our large country home, teaching English at the university, a secondary school and privately, and writing and having published several English textbooks, one of which turned out to be very successful, selling over 67,000 copies. These were special years and even though Alex struggled learning the Czech language, he was able to communicate with what he mastered, as well as English and German. We made many friends, with some of whom we are still in occasional contact, in addition to a few relatives from my father’s side.
In 2001, my mother unexpectedly passed away. This became the cue to move to the Redlands where my father was now a widower and had no family nearby. In his late seventies, he was still fit and self-sufficient. With Alex and me having lived overseas for a long time, our relationship with my father was a little strained, but over the next few years, we were able to get quite close, appreciate each other, and help one another. Alex became my father’s beloved and respected son-in-law.
When we returned, jobs in Australia were not easy to come by at our age, so while we bought a home in Thornlands, we ended up teaching English for four years in South Korea and one year in Saudi Arabia. This was another interesting and adventurous period in our lives together. After our final return to Australia in 2007, we saw my father at least once a week. Each Thursday, we took a walk, went out for lunch, and then did shopping, followed by dessert. In 2012, we offered my father to create a website for his artwork, and later we created multiple books featuring his art, photography, and poetry.
During my father’s 96th year, he had a health downturn with several brief hospitalizations. He more or less recovered, but his cognitive ability became such that he could no longer get his driver license renewed. That was the time we were able to reciprocate the help he had given us when we first returned to Australia, drive him to places, and look after his affairs when he no longer could. My father had been an integral part of our lives for 16 years, till 2022.
Besides working on artistic books for my father, Alex and I co-authored several of our own books covering spirituality and principles of living. While I wrote and published books, Alex built multiple websites with spiritual content. Spirituality had been his lifelong passion. In his later years, he broadened his focus from Christianity to other faiths, especially Buddhism. He never abandoned his Christian roots, but kept what he found meaningful and left behind what no longer served him. He was a student at heart and loved classes, courses, and books. He completed the equivalent of three Masters Degrees in various aspects of spirituality, as well as several other courses. One of his study interests included end-of-life matters and death and dying.
In 2022, my father passed away at the age of 99 and my inheritance enabled us to move into Renaissance Retirement Village a year later. After another year, last October, Alex started having noticeable health issues, including water retention and lack of energy. He also had previously discovered heart problems. In November, just after his 75th birthday, he ended up going to hospital, and was diagnosed with metastasized prostate cancer.
The diagnosis (including one or two misdiagnoses) was devastating and the prognosis disheartening. While Alex progressively lost his mobility and became confined to bed, he had relatively good seven months at home interspersed with nine hospital stays ranging from one day to a week or more. He had no pain or discomfort, ate and slept well, and remained positive. He had been a very patient patient – which I admired and which made things much easier for me. He remained thankful and almost never complained. These were all wonderful blessings. On April 11, we reached our 49th anniversary, which, while we couldn’t do much by way of celebrating, was a milestone to be grateful for, which back in November, I wasn’t sure that Alex would be around for.
After that, Alex spent another week in hospital and a month at home, during which he did relatively well, though there continued to be a gradual decline. At the end of that month, a turning point came and he deteriorated quickly. He slept a lot and ate little or not at all. He began speaking in whispers and his mental state kept declining. It was hard to watch and challenging to deal with. Without knowing how long he may have left, the plan was made for him to go to a palliative room in the Mater hospital. However, he passed away in the ambulance before the paramedics left our place. It worked out very well though, because the paramedics gave me wonderful support, called all the important people, brought him back into the house, and I was able to spend a couple of hours with him at home before the undertakers came. While of course his passing is sad, it was a very good circumstance under which it happened and I am grateful that Alex’s last chapter of his earthly journey came to such a good end.
From his young adult age, Alex tended to reflect on life and search for meaning. As a result, he kept diaries, and jotted insights in bound notebooks, on three-by-five index cards, and just about anywhere if those weren’t on hand. He was a writer at heart – someone once even called him a scribe. He was also a philosopher – always researching and summarizing information and writing articles for his total of 27 websites and other outlets. Many were edified by his writing. He even displayed a gift for writing poetry – though it was our combined effort – he came up with the thoughts and I polished the rhyme and rhythm. He enjoyed creating cards with quotes and short texts, and even during his illness, all the nurses ended up taking with them a card or two. In fact, you are all invited to pick a card at the table outside before leaving if you hadn’t already.
Even though Alex was an introvert, he was always friendly and ready to say hello and talk to people who crossed his path – especially those of other nationalities and/or religions (shown by their attire). Before his illness, he enjoyed meeting people and walking in nature. We spent a lot of time together on paths and trails all over Redlands – in earlier years, also joined by my dad. Alex was also an avid photographer and would always keep stopping on walks to take photos.
Those who knew him commented on his positive and happy personality, tact and diplomacy, enthusiasm, sincerity, integrity, kindness, thoughtfulness, and generosity. Following his mother’s example, he would always have a packet of Scotch fingers on hand to give to trades people who came to our home or couriers delivering mail.
Even though we didn’t make it to our 50th anniversary, I feel privileged to have been his one and only wife. I am grateful for the special bond, closeness, happiness, and harmony we enjoyed for the nearly five decades of married life. When we used to work together, people couldn’t understand how we could be together at work and then also at home and not get tired of each other, but we didn’t. I am grateful for his love, friendship, dedication, kindness, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, patience, encouragement, spiritual orientation, good discussions, and sharing edifying insights and ideas. I am grateful for the travel we were able to enjoy, for working together most of our career lives and even in our retirement, for his support and understanding, for the projects we worked on, creating lovely books of my dad’s art and of our own spiritual insights and understanding, lessons that we learned together and separately.
I am grateful for all the prayers offered for us during Alex’s illness and after his passing, for undoubtedly being strengthened and helped from beyond, and for being able to care for him at home till the end. I am grateful for having been led to the Renaissance Retirement Village just at the right time, for my kind friends and neighbours, for all you people here at the funeral, and for so many good things and blessings that were a part of our lives together. Reflecting on the challenging events of the last few months, as well as the rest of my life to this point, I can only echo David’s words in Psalm 23, verse 6: “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.”
Of course, I will miss Alex, but believe that he is in a good place and in time will progress into yet brighter realms. I look forward to seeing him in the not-too-distant future and continue growing together in love and oneness with our Creator.
For other information on divine leading, see Spirit Helpers and Guides
Here is a short reflection on being divinely led.