Continuing my life journey and how I was led, this section describes my love story and what led to my marrying Alex at a time when we found ourselves on different continents. It is another part of an upcoming book or website section entitled Divinely Led.
Part 2: Maturing in Australia
A Love Story
The church gave me meaning in life and a new way of living. I made friends with many people close to my age and started to socialize, going to dances, concerts, dinners, and other outings. I found acceptance and support, people I could talk to and share common interests with. That caused the gap between me and my parents to further widen.
Among the people I met was a young man by the name of Nick, who was to become my future brother-in-law. Through him, I later got acquainted with his older brother, Alex, and his parents. God went ahead here also. When Alex started attending church, we became friends. I was still studying, and Alex’s desire was to go to the church’s college in England, so our friendship was nothing romantic. But we enjoyed each other’s company and had much to talk about. I felt that if there was anyone in the church, or anywhere, I could marry, he was the one. When in a year Alex left for England, I assumed that he would find someone there, marry, become a minister, and I would never see him again.
But God led the way in a surprising and unexpected way. While Alex was in England, and later when that campus closed its doors and he transferred to a sister college in Pasadena, California, to finish his study, we exchanged a few letters, but nothing frequent or romantic. He was interested in a couple of young ladies, and of all people, his brother, Nick, became interested in me. We dated for a time which enabled me to better get to know his family. And since Nick and I graduated on the same day from Monash University, his parents and my parents just happened to sit next to each other in the large university auditorium! Our parents had a chance to meet as God was laying a foundation for our future life when we would be away from Australia and our families for many years.
While God had Nick pave the way in Australia, He was working on Alex’s heart in the US. Alex began to realize that neither of his two lady friends were really what he wanted in his future wife. He then started to reflect on his relationship with me and appreciate me in a new way. He counselled with a minister he respected and was given the idea to invite me to Pasadena for my summer break and to see if there was anything in our relationship that could go beyond just a friendship. At the same time, God stirred my heart and reignited my interest in Alex. Since his letters were sparse and indicated nothing more than a casual friendship, I tried to forget about him. However, little forget-me-not flowers in the tiny backyard of our villa unit were somehow telling me not to get him out of my mind.
Around August 1975, I received a surprising, even shocking, letter from Alex with an invitation to visit! I had contemplated the possibility of a visit the previous year but chose not to – which was just as well, because the timing would have been all wrong. After receiving Alex’s letter, I talked to my minister, mentioned that I had always liked Alex and was wondering what was going on. He decided to write to Alex, mentioned my feelings and asked Alex how he felt. He requested that if his feelings were not reciprocal, to make sure to let me know and not to lead me on.
Things moved fast from there on. Alex responded quickly, the pastor gave me his letter, and I took it from that point, writing to him how I had always liked and admired him. When we both learned how we felt, we were thrilled.
After that, events moved so quickly that letters (long before the days of email) became inadequate. Since because of a studentship I had received, I was under an obligation to teach three years unless I got married after one year, and it looked like marriage was a distinct possibility, it seemed like a good idea to request a one-semester leave from work, and if I got married, simply resign with my obligations fulfilled and no penalty. If marriage didn’t eventuate, I would return and finish my teaching obligation. But to consider whether or not to grant the leave request, the Education Department needed a letter from Alex showing that he was indeed serious. To work all this out, a phone call was needed.
Alex called me on Melbourne Cup Day, a memorable first Tuesday in November that year. Somehow, the phone call was disconnected before we said our goodbyes, though we covered what we needed to. I am not sure if the disconnection was my fault by touching the phone awkwardly or if it would have happened anyway. International phone calls were very costly in those days, so calling back wasn’t that simple. So straight away, I wrote a letter.
The next step and challenge was to break the news to my parents that I was going to the US and that I might be getting married. It was of course a bit of a shock, since they didn’t know the background. It was also a time when communication was very difficult. Therefore, when going home, I often took my roommate, Jan, to diffuse the tension and prevent potential unpleasantness.
From there, it was only about seven weeks to my arrival in Pasadena – two days before Christmas day, 1975. Alex and I continued to exchange frequent letters – with much more passion than before. He met me at the airport with his recently acquired station wagon. We hugged and had much to share. I first stayed with a longer-time pen friend, Marie and her family. Again, God went before me in that Marie and I got to know each other quite well before I came. She helped me with my wedding preparations, and with her then little daughter Sigrid became my matron of honor and flower girl at the wedding.
When I arrived, Alex and I with a couple of others took a trip to visit a couple in northern California that Alex had got to know. After the winter / Christmas holidays, I used to come to the Theology Department office and help Alex with his work on a voluntary basis, since I didn’t have a work visa. After work we would spend long evenings talking. We also had a look at rings at a jeweler that Alex knew. We didn’t buy one then, but Alex knew the one I liked and bought it later.
We were engaged on Friday, February 13, and celebrated on the weekend of the 14th. Since Valentine’s Day had not yet become a worldwide phenomenon, and certainly was not observed in Australia, we didn’t realize the meaning of the date. However, Alex modified a pretty Valentine card, which became perfect for the occasion. On the Friday, we had a special dinner in a restaurant on top of a high-rise in downtown LA with a view over the city. The next day, on Saturday, we had a brunch in our favorite local restaurant, the Colonial Kitchen. And on Sunday, we took a drive to the nearby mountains. The Monday after, we found at the office that my parents sent flowers with a note of congratulations to us.
We had two months before getting married. Several friends helped with the location, flowers, wedding cake, catering and hairdo. Everything came together beautifully. Again, God went before us and provided for all our needs.
We were married on April 11 with just a small group of friends present. While our parents couldn’t be at the wedding, they were supportive. And to add icing on the cake, the Melbourne minister, who wrote to Alex after he sent me the invitation to visit and counselled us afterward, just happened to be in Pasadena on a sabbatical leave and was available to marry us. Also a musically gifted Swiss couple that Alex got to know earlier performed at our reception, including doing some yodelling.
After the wedding, we had dinner at a special restaurant, called Castaways, and the next day we left for our honeymoon.
For other information on divine leading, see Spirit Helpers and Guides
Here is a short reflection on being divinely led.